I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
