afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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