It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
