she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
