I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize