He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
