so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
