i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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