if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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