lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
