dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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