Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
