Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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