we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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