You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
