What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
