I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
