I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
that may or may not have been my penis.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
