You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
and she was petting her beer can
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
