you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
