1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
