I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
