hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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