i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
