he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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