i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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