Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize