We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
