So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize