My nipple is on Facebook.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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