chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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