I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
