They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Panties = found
Randomize
