Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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