She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
