"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
