i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
me + whiskey = a bad person
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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