I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
