i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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