Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
