Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize