and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
