I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
