..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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