i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
