Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry about my life...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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