If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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