Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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