Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
