wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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