So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
