Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
