When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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