I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
