Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
