Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
