We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
