He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
