Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
