With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
