mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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