Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I love you.
Bad choice
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
