It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
