I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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