I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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