Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if i can run in heels then i can drive
babies were throwing up all over the place
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
