Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize