I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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