He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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